Home > Articles > Men buying Lingerie- The Do's and Dont's Part I
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Lingerie buying for Men: The do's and dont's of buying lingerie for the woman in your life, and why not following the rules can be a disaster.
This articles stands for the proposition that men want and need to buy lingerie for the women in their lives. That said there is a growing need for information to help men choose the right lingerie for the women in their lives, as often the purchase is a gift for a special occasion. In the past these special occasions were a honeymoon, anniversary or vacation. Relationships today are perhaps no more complicated than in the past, but it is clear that lingerie is growing in popularity due to a number of factors. Special occasions can be a soldier returning from a tour of duty, a weekend away coupled with a still camera or even a video camera to preserve the festivities or a lingerie party or role playing party complete with cameras.
As women continue to express themselves in the clothing they wear, lingerie is a major apparel line that women wear in intimate settings as well as increasingly as outer wear. Next is the exploding popularity of online sites such as Voyeurweb, YouPorn and the explosion of blogs that range from the mundane to the extremely intimate. How does this factor in you ask? With the ability and desire to upload pictures and videos of women in their lingerie and less, lingerie is gaining a greater visibility every day. With MySpace as the big dog on the porch, at least at this time, women, and the men who love to look at them express themselves in their favorite lingerie ensemble. The truth is that lingerie is here to stay, and men need to get better at buying it, not just looking at it.
You might agree that women in lingerie in magazines, on television, and even on the net are nothing particularly new. Men though, haven't really kept up with the growth in availability of lingerie as well as the demand. Men know what they like, but that doesn't always translate to the women in their lives. That model on the billboard probably had water and fig leaves for dinner, which accounts for the wafer thin waist, and gynormous breasts that were store bought. While I have nothing against enhanced breasts, in fact I adore them; I think men need to think, a lot, before they buy lingerie for the special woman in their lives. Many men complain that their wives and girlfriends don't wear the lingerie they buy them. This is due, at least in part to the possibility the lingerie was likely bought to fulfill a man's fantasy without consideration that the woman who has to wear the outfit is a real flesh and blood girl who may have some concerns about such things as modesty, body image or she simply "wouldn't be caught dead wearing that outfit".
Buying beautiful, sensitive and intelligent woman lingerie is not the same as fantasizing about that chick in the magazine. Giving some thought to the purchase before the fact will improve the chance that the purchase is worn, appreciated and who knows what other benefits he may receive. That subject will be covered at some later date. Whenever buying another person a gift one should consider a couple of factors. If you have ever purchased a young child a toy that was not on their list of favorites, the resulting reaction might be an indicator or what that special woman in your life feels when she gets a hot pink panty set that barely gets above her knees. No, women are not like children, it is just that not taking her feelings into consideration, as well as her height, weight or favorite colors may be the beginnings of a gift that is not worn or appreciated. Is it true that it is the thought that counts? Of course not! If there was no or very little thought put into the purchase of lingerie, then perhaps it is the thought that counts, and in fact counts for very little. The thought of giving a woman an intimate gift of lingerie that exposes her body and it is the wrong size, too revealing for the woman's sense of modesty, or the wrong color is just plain insulting. Bad boy, shame on you!
This article is intended to navigate those dark waters. A roadmap through the world of intimate apparel, lingerie. A checklist for the uninformed and ill advised. Really just a couple of suggestions that should help men choose lingerie appropriate for the occasion, and most importantly the woman who will wear the lingerie.
So let’s get started. First and foremost is the woman! Never lose sight of the fact that you are buying lingerie for a living, breathing, thinking creature. It is not like buying a toothbrush, or even a sweater. Lingerie comes with a sexual charge. That is one reason many men buy lingerie. That sexual charge can be great, and it can be the basis of disappointment. Unlike other gifts, lingerie is the most intimate gift one can buy for a woman. It is worn under her clothing away from the prying eyes of other men and women, reserved only for the special person in her life. Also, it exposes some potential flaws, real or otherwise that she likely doesn't like to advertise to anyone, especially the man in her life. She may think her butt is too big, her tummy is out of shape or she needs a tan. True or not, these are very real issues to her, and a lack of consideration in buying sexy underwear can expose some pretty sensitive feelings. Beware! You, as the man in her life, know or should know about these concerns, and you better take them seriously. Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. Say, for the sake of this article you are convinced that a certain part of your anatomy is too large, or say you think you are too fat! Now, your girl brings home a pair of thong underwear in lime green for you to wear that makes your gut, butt and everything else available to be seen, and let’s say you are not too pleased. To add insult to injury, say she wants to take your picture and post it on the internet. How do you feel?
Get the picture?
Sensitivity to your lover is job number one, numero uno! That said how do you buy lingerie that addresses her needs? As difficult as it may sound, you can improve your and her chances with a few tips.
First, think about her, think about her likes, dislikes in clothing, comments she may have made about various fashion styles, celebrities, and her comfort level when it comes to lingerie and intimacy. Whew! If this sound a little like a primer on relationships, it is and it isn't. The truth is buying lingerie does require knowing something about the recipient. Since it is a gift that has a sexual charge, it definitely helps to know about her likes and dislikes in and out of the bedroom. Does this mean that you shouldn't buy lingerie for someone you don't know a lot about? Yes! I think we all agree we don't buy lingerie for a parent, or even a sister, so it goes that buying an intimate gift for a lover that we know little to nothing about is a recipe for failure, at best. I am not saying you can't buy your mother a robe, or perhaps something else in the lingerie store, but most of us realize that lingerie is reserved for intimate partners.
Comfort level is important as everyone has a different tolerance for things, as a man may enjoy adult films and his otherwise compatible female mate detests it for personal reasons. Tread gently my friend. Lingerie should not become a test of your and her political will. Understand her comfort zone, and go beyond it at some risk. The point here is to stretch her comfort zone, but any attempt to violate it with no thought is inconsiderate, and will likely do more harm than good. Ask yourself does she like it when you suggest new things, or is she more likely to prefer her own tastes? Does she like the assertive lead taker, or is she happy making all her own decisions? Regardless of the answers, know your lover, and her personality as well as her stated limits.
Is it all that difficult? No, not really. Most men know that their wives or girlfriends enjoy the theatre or movies, staying at home or partying until the police arrive, or skirts and heels or sweats and flip flops. So don't turn it into rocket science. If you don't know the woman’s likes and dislikes, ask! What a concept! Ask her if she would wear the outfit you are looking at in the catalog. Ask her what she thinks about Brittany Spears going commando. What does she think about wearing a thong, or a mini skirt or whatever? Whatever the answer is, you accomplish at least two things. One you learn what she likes, the other is you learn what she dislikes.
Step two is what I call- fact finding. Get the information, gather the clues, and well you get the idea. When she steps in the shower, or preferably when she leaves to go to the store or wherever, check out her panty drawer. Don't worry, they won't bite. Check out her clothing, preferably lingerie, panties and bras to get the following information. Bra size, panty size, color preferences, style preferences, size of her jeans, skirts, blouses and yes, even her shoes. Somehow get her weight, or at least an educated guess. Every man should have a list of all his partners sizes, preferences on his person at all times. This is not arguable. Why? Simply, you cannot make a purchase for this person without this information- ever.
It takes ten minutes of your time, and should be updated from time to time to take into account weight loss, or gain, changes in comfort zones, if any and color preferences! Every one has a favorite color, maybe more than one and women are no exception. Don't forget shoes, as a gift of shoes could make you the king of her kingdom. Buying shoes for a woman is not easy as styles change often, women have specific preferences based upon the season, the occasion, their unique likes and dislikes and other factors unique to her. If you can master buying shoes for the woman in your life, then you have arrived! Let's start with something a lot easier. Lingerie!
Now that you have an idea about her comfort zone, as well as her sizes you are onto step three. Step three is what I like to call surveying the landscape. Huh? You have a general idea what she likes; you know what she can fit into, now you need to know what is available in the marketplace. This will take a little longer than steps one and two as they are easy while step three requires a survey of the internet, and perhaps a visit to a local store. The web is a vast shopping center with literally thousands of sites that offer lingerie, sex toys, accessories and sexy clothing.
The beauty of the internet shopping is offset slightly by the disadvantage of being unable to try items on. This can be a substantial disadvantage in some cases. I suggest you shop online but beware of a couple of things. Check out their return policy and call them if you have any questions about what can be returned. Second understand your sizing as lingerie does not generally follow conventional sizing due to the nature of the lingerie, as well as deviations in products made overseas where sizing is concerned. Finally, remember that the model wearing the outfit on the internet is likely 10-15 pounds lighter in real life, is 5'4" tall before she puts on the 5 inch platforms and the garment has been pinned, tucked and perhaps altered to fit her body like a second skin. She is a model, after all. Even if your girlfriend is a model, or ought to be, the garment will likely fit differently.
The benefits of internet purchases are generally selection as few boutiques in your hometown will carry the styles, colors and brands available on line. Next, the cost of items online is generally much lower than in retail stores. Finally is the anonymity of buying sexy lingerie and adult sex toys from your home is far different from driving down to your local neighborhood adult store and facing a female unfriendly environment. If you have a store in your community that caters to women with a good selection of sexy lingerie, toys and DVD’s then that may be your best bet as long as being anonymous is not a factor.
When you sit down to look at lingerie online, use your, save as a favorite, function liberally. Why? Because you are going to need to sit down with your girl to refine the search, and perhaps make a purchase or two. What should you look for when you are searching alone? Here is where the information you have previously gathered comes into play. What is your woman's favorite feature? Her breasts? Her legs, her butt, her tummy or her feet? This is where you start. For instance if she has great boobs, and she doesn’t' care who knows it, then a bustier or a corset is a good option. The corset accentuates the breasts, pushing them together, up and out for a sexy look and feel. Does she have a nice tummy with a sexy belly button ring? Then a babydoll that shows off her stomach will likely make a good fit. Does she have legs from the floor to the ceiling that drive men wild? Then lingerie set with stockings, garter belt and a matching bra may be just the ticket.
What doesn't work? Stay away from missy sizes if she is tall, or over 160-165 pounds. If she is long waisted ignore the teddies and bodystockings. Does she have very slender legs, stay away from hosiery. Does she have a b donka donk butt? Stay clear of one size fits most. Does she have nice big boobs? Avoid boob out, or other unstructured tops unless they have a sheer or fishnet component and don't pretend to offer support.
Colors to avoid! All colors she doesn't like as well as prints and designs that are risky as they may just not be to her liking. Colors that are safe- Black and White, perhaps red. Don't venture too far here, unless you think she will like the color, and it is compatible with her own skin tones. Color and style are risky by their very nature so tread carefully. You can experiment with hot pink, fuchsia and other hot colors as these garments are hot by their nature. While she may not have hot pink as a favorite color, a lot of lingerie is made in hot colors for dancers and bedroom attire. If she is a little thick in the tummy stay away from two piece sets that flaunt the stomach area.
If she is a plus size woman the news is good as more and more manufacturers are making sexy lingerie for curvy girls. But be sure you understand plus size sizing. Many women don't understand it because plus size lingerie is sold often in extra large, 1x through 6x. Be absolutely certain before ordering, or ask the online customer’s service representative exactly what sizes will fit your ladies curves. Be prepared to give the height, weight, breast size, waist size in order to size her lingerie correctly. Be careful when buying plus size lingerie that is offered as one size fits most-plus. This is a bit of a risk as a 1x is obviously not the same as a 3x. The manufacturers do this to make the garment less expensive, not to make it easier for you to buy it. The same applies to misses’ lingerie sold as one size fits most-misses.
Caution: One size fits most is not one size fits all. In the past manufacturers labeled these items one size fits all. Through bad experience, the labels have been changed to read one size fits most, but many people assume that it means fits all. It doesn't! Typically, but not always one size fits most means up to 5'6" and up to 145 pounds. The one size fits most is very confusing to most buyers, and must have a substantial spandex content to fit. When ordering online the word to the wise is: Order from a website that has a toll free number with a live person to speak to. Second order from a site that carries inventory. The vast majority of sites are bedroom enterprises that carry little or no inventory. Third beware of sites that are drop shippers only. While drop shipping is perfectly good, and larger sites utilize some component of drop shipping, drop ship only sites rarely have good product knowledge as they may only ship from one manufacturer, and since they carry no stock cannot develop product knowledge when they do not have inventory to actually pull the product and respond to specific inquiries. Often the only option they have is to call the manufacturer. Third ascertain how long they have been in business on line. Do they have a retail store. What is their google page rank? Don't be afraid to ask as reputable businesses are proud to answer those questions.
To Be Continued
Part Two
Lingerie buying for Men: The do's and don’ts of buying lingerie for the woman in your life, and why not following the rules can be a disaster.
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About the author: Richard Romo is the author or this article.All uses of this article require prior authorization of the author
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